London or Not London? About Fear of Moving Away

london tube map

Hello, Internet,
as I mentioned some posts ago, I’m supposed to move to London at the beginning of July. On the last weeks I’ve joined Facebook groups, read a lot of blog posts about what to do, how to find a job, do the NIN, etc, to basically organise myself, write a nice and detailed list of everything I need, like the control freak I am, and be ready to everything I have to deal with once arrived.

Therefore, I should be prepared, I should be excited, but I’m realizing that I’m not – well, not as I was before – and I don’t know if it’s fear of failure or disappointment or just a feeling, silently screaming in the back of my mind, that I shouldn’t move. I should already have bought the airplane ticket, but every time I visit Ryanair’s website, the price is higher, but I don’t have the courage to buy it.

I should, I should, I shouldn’t.

I applied on Saturday to what it seems a very cool “Creative and Editorial Internship” in Berlin, and I’ve been checking my e-mail all the time during the day to see if they answered. I don’t know if it comes from the fact that I love Berlin, the job seems pretty interesting, or that I already know the city and friends in it so it’s like a comfortable and easy solution, my Linus’ blanket. And I am terribly scared of Linus’ blanket solutions.
Anyway, they haven’t replied yet, and I think I’ll surrender and buy a ticket for London if they don’t reply until Friday.

My departure should be on the 8th or 9th, and it’s just 17 days from now. I don’t know what to do, and on the top of that, dealing with finals and work is just making my head explode.

I should’ve called this blog I don’t know what to do with my life, because I’m totally sure that’s the phrase I have thought and written the most in this blog’s short but intense life.
See? Again: I should.

P.S.: I’m deeply sorry if my constant indecisiveness annoys you.


13 thoughts on “London or Not London? About Fear of Moving Away

  1. Think of it this way… will this decision bring me joy? If so, go for it. If there is a chance it will and you can’t think of anything else that possibly could, then go for it. If it won’t bring you joy, forget it and look elsewhere.

    See the reoccuring theme? JOY!
    Now go and find it :)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Or you could decide that it’s a risk to take, like a lot of things in life.
    Bottomline is you decided to make what is a huge change in your life. Change can be downright terrifying. I’m not surprised; I felt the same a month before moving to Canada. Everything became an excuse not to go. Don’t worry. And good luck 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Besides I’m sure they’re not silly excuses… But they allow you to consider not making the change.
        Making changes like the one you’re considering can feel like skydiving with a blindfold: you’d have to be crazy to do it. In the end, there may not be a blindfold but skydiving isn’t something everyone would jump at the chance to do (pun intended). Most people would stop and consider before they did (and if they did).

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ciao Mari!
    Finalmente leggo con calma il tuo super blog e dovevo assolutamente leggere questo post perchè ti capisco un sacco! Questo è un periodo orribile tra sessione+tesi+pensare a cosa fare dopo, sembra che più ci si avvicina alla meta più la speranza e la positività lasciano spazio al panico e all’ansia!
    Io ti dico di provarci, datti una settimana, 10 giorni come tempo massimo per trovare qualcosa e vedi come ti trovi, tanto le cose che lasci qua non scappano e puoi solo imparare sia che vada male sia che vada bene. Sei tanto coraggiosa solo a provarci, tienimi aggiornata!


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ciao bellissima! Gli esami, la tesi e cosa fare dopo stanno stressando tantissimo anche me, hai ragione, andando su per 10 giorni non perdo granché, almeno mi faccio un giro mentre non consegno curriculum :)


  4. I have the same problem! I can’t make decisions and I never know what exactly I want to do! :) Don’t worry, after all you will decide if you feel like moving to London or not. I can tell you that London is a wonderful city and everybody who comes here falls in love with the place! Good luck!


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