Today I decided to give up for a while.
I’ve always been a girl that likes to organise her life. Knowing how many pages I have to study each day, which papers I have to write and for when, the perfect organization of a travel, with buses, monuments and timing makes me feel better.
When I was a girl scout the motto of the troop was “Estote parati”, “be ready”. It has stayed with me since then.
So basically I’m not OCD, I just like to be prepared and in time.
This need sometimes becomes anxiety, especially when I have to take big decisions.
Which master do I study next year is one of them.
I’ve visited tens of university websites, from Italy, to UK, Germany, Spain, and more, looking for a master in what I thought I would like: Journalism. The more I looked the more I felt that maybe it was not the right decision.
While searching for masters my heart progressively broke seeing how much they cost. Like really, minimum 4000 euros, 6000/7000 pounds? 10 000 pounds for a year of study? Who has that money? Because I don’t. (I know for Americans this is nothing compared to what they have to pay, but for Europe, or at least for normal people like my friends and I, is a lot, since I have to pay also for accommodation, food and life in general).
I have no idea what’s in the minds of educators. Probably they have been replaced by economists that see that, since universities are necessary, people will pay anyway. Well sir, politely speaking, please get lost.
Anyway, this search has lead to depression, insecurity and crisis. You know, the usual What I’m going to do and/or I don’t know what to do with my life that you have seen more than once in this blog (in order here, here and here).
(Oh Lord, I’m becoming repetitive).
Today, however, I decided to postpone my decision to who knows when.
I decided to travel, to go somewhere, maybe Latin America, for the summer and stay there and clear my mind. To take a break. To maybe find a job, in the meantime or after. To relax for once.
Because at 22 you start to realise you can’t control everything, and you start to let go, to send people to get lost.
Because at 22 you realise in your life there are so many factors you have to think about which ones you think are the most important.
Because I think my serenity comes first.
P.s: What do you think about #ThinkingThursday, where I just talk about my life and reflections once a week? I’m trying to create a schedule :)