I was good at school. In middle and high school I used to have good grades studying the necessary, never too much, because I didn’t want to. I wanted to read and watch tv series. I didn’t have the best grades but that was my decision: life > school.
I’ve always known that if I put enough effort, I could be anything.
Well, not arts and crafts or sport related things, I’d be terrible at them.
Coming from a family that worked incredibly hard to give me a house under my head and food on my plate, just expecting from me to study, I’ve always thought that I owed them a good, quiet life, without worrying about how to end the month.
And I’ve always thought that I would repaid them studying and finding a very well paid job. A prestigious one, they could talk about to their friends.
My mum had always said to me to study what I like, but I always had this feeling.
So after high school I went to Milan and started International Sciences and European Institutions (Faculty of Politic Sciences). Working in an international organisation, or as a diplomat? Travelling, knowing and helping people from all over the world? A dream come true, right?
I hated it.
At the first week.
I continued to attend, in the hope that I would change my mind.
I was continuously angry at stupid things that didn’t matter. I was having a bad relationship with my parents, with myself.
After that experience, I realised I would never, ever, be happy doing something that I didn’t like.
I was not one of those brave people that could resist for months, for years, for decades.
So I returned to my hometown, Verona, and I decided to study something I love: languages and publishing.
I met wonderful friends, deleted from my life toxic people, earned self-esteem. I regained a good relationship with my parents.
My dad wasn’t happy with my career choice, and still isn’t, and that hurt/hurts, but in the end it didn’t matter.
I had recovered a balance in my life that I had probably never really had.
Being this my final year at uni, I’m trying to find out – again – what to do with my life. I don’t want to make a mistake again, you know?
I’ve narrowed my choices to Journalism and Screenwriting – but what if I don’t like the one I choose?
Worse: What if I’m not good at it?
I’m going to study abroad, probably the UK, and the thing that holds me back is, well, money. In Verona I’ve always had a scholarship, and the idea of asking for a loan to pay my studies, the idea of owing something to someone, scares me. Especially if I don’t like it in the end or if I cannot find a job.
And, of course, my career choice will be again laughed at by people who think that only medicine, law, engineering and economics are real careers.
But that’s another story.
Years ago, I would probably never had written this post.
In my mind the voice of my father: never show them your weak side.
Now, 22 years old and a certain inclination to what the hell, singing love me or hate me it’s still an obsession / love me or hate me that is the question, I’ve found the need to write all this, and I’ve done it.
Maybe, it could help a “little me” wandering about this blog. Or maybe you.
At the moment I’m trying to find an internship or a job for the summer (July and August), even in a totally different field from the one I want to study, because I want to make experiences and go out of this countryside, but I haven’t found anything yet – do you have any suggestions? -.
P.s.: BBC, if you’re reading this, hire me.
I hope you liked this post, I would love to hear your past experiences in the comments.
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Have a lovely day / night!